June 23, 2021
Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
“Having reduced us to a state of absolute helplessness, you now declare that none but a Higher Power can remove our obsession. Some of us won’t believe in God, others can’t, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle.”
AA Twelve & Twelve, p 25
Step Two talks about sanity and needing to be restored to sanity. This to me is a reinforcement of the things we learn in Step One. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was insane where food was concerned. As our literature says, my reactions were not normal. But it wasn’t just sanity about food that needed restoring. My reactions to other people, my obsession with the future and the past, my anxieties and fears, I need to be restored to sanity in all those areas too. Once I have come to terms with Step One and really get that I need to be restored to sanity, then I have a chance at starting to consider that I need real help, and that I cannot do it on my own.
After that, Step Two is about coming to believe two things: that there is a Power greater than myself, and that Power can restore me to sanity. I need both. When I came in, I believed there was a Power greater than myself, but I didn’t think that Power would help me with the food. I didn’t believe I could ask for help with the food or really with any of the other things that were wrong in my life. I believed in a Power greater than myself that was judging and condemning and criticizing me, waiting for me to fail and wagging a finger at my failure. That Power wasn’t going to help me with anything. That Power was all about not good enough.
My first sponsor asked me to write about my ideal Higher Power. What would that look like? What did I wish a Higher Power could be like? I sat with a blank sheet of paper and let myself dream. Wouldn’t it be great if I had a Higher Power who would love me unconditionally? How about listening to me and hearing my problems? Helping me when things are just too much for me to bear on my own? Guiding me to the next right thing? Wouldn’t that be amazing? I wrote it all down and then shared it with my sponsor. She said, “Awesome. How about you just believe in all that?” It was that simple. I acted as if that was really what my Higher Power was like. Acting as if meant talking to my Higher Power, writing letters to my Higher Power, trusting my Higher Power, as if that Higher Power was all those things I dreamed a Higher Power could be.
And I came to believe. I came to believe my Higher Power loves me, helps me, is there for me. I came to believe my Higher Power could restore me to sanity. I am so grateful that this program tells me I can have my own concept of a Higher Power. Together, my Higher Power and I have gotten through a bunch of things I couldn’t have done on my own.
Journal Prompt: Am I still holding on to any old beliefs about a Higher Power? Do I really believe my Higher Power can restore me to sanity?
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